Child Sexual Assault: It's Not Your Fault

                Child sexual assault happens more than anyone knows. It is often hidden and around 88 percent of all cases are never reported to the authorities. Children are very vulnerable and weak and are often intimidated to share with either a teacher or other relative about what is going on. They fear further abuse or they think that no one will believe them because they are “merely” children. A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds. It is estimated that as many as 40 million Americans, one in six people, experienced sexual victimization as children. One in four girls and one in seven boys are sexually victimized before the age of 18 and the most common ages for sexual abuse occur between 8 and 12. It is very rarely a one-time deal; it usually last one to fourteen years. Approximately 93 percent of children assaulted or abused were victimized by someone they knew. Fifty percent of offenders who victimized children were themselves juveniles. An average of five children per day is lost due to abuse-related deaths. Child sexual abuse has a very negative effect on the children when they grow older. Approximately thirty percent of all adults who were abused as children recall the events and of that thirty percent, eighty percent suffer at least one psychological disorder. 

                A young woman recently emailed me about some negative emotions she was having. She said she had no one else to talk to so I willingly let her open up to me. At first, it started with her just saying that she was feeling down. She said she was done trying, done pretending, done with everything. She didn’t know why she was feeling that way but she knew she didn’t like it and she didn’t know what to do. At first, I didn’t know what she was done with so I questioned her. She then went on to say that she was done pretending everything was ok and bottling in emotions. She didn’t feel like she was worth anything and like she had no one there for her. She didn’t think any of her goals or dreams would ever happen.

                This really touched me because, as I told her, I felt worthless at one point, although God and my family were there for me. But I had wanted more. At first, I didn't know exactly what to say but then I just let God do all the typing for me throughout the conversation.  Anyway, I told her that out of everything bad comes something good because God will always be there for her. She told me that since she was 10 she was bottling all her emotions and nothing good has happened for her. I went on to explain to her that I went through 12 years of torment from my peers and thought, “When will this ever end?” I felt lonely, although I truly wasn’t. God made me walk through that certain storm so I could be more empowered to be a light to people that others could never reach. I had that experience so I could understand what others are going through. That’s when she told me what happened when she was a young girl. Here’s her story:

When I was 10 we moved into a new house, and that's where it started. My brother was 15 or 16 years old. It started out with him just rubbing up against me and picking me up and touching and grabbing my butt. After a while I guess he got tired of that, and started touching me in other places. He would walk in in on me when I was in the shower and take pictures of me when I was sleeping. After a while he started taking pictures of himself and made me look at them. I remember one time when we were in our basement I was playing video games with him, he looked over at me, pushed me on the futon we were sitting on, laid on top of me, and ran his hands up and down my body. I remember being so scared. He stood up, walked away, took more pictures of himself, made me look at them, and then took pictures of me. He touched me. Even after all of this, I still didn't tell anyone. I was scared he would hurt me worse, or hurt one of my siblings. And I didn't want that to happen. I went through this for probably a year and a half. Then on July 2nd, 2007, my parents found that he was using their money to buy and watch porn on the computer. A little later that day, they came and asked me if he ever hurt me. I told them what he did. They called the police, and he was taken away. I remember being afraid that he was going to get out and find me, and hurt me again. I went to counseling for a few weeks, but it didn't really help. I felt like I was alone. I was angry, and I turned my back on God. I just didn't understand how He could've let something like that happen. I still sometimes believe that everything that happened was my fault. I understand that it’s not, but it is still hard to know that it wasn't. My relationship with God is getting better. It's not a really strong one but it’s better than it was. I guess I'm doing this because there are others out there who may have gone through this, or something similar. And they need to know that they are not alone. And that yes, it’s hard, but it does get better. And that it isn't their fault.

                God didn’t cause this to happen to her. Her brother caused it to happen. For God did not cause sin; man allowed sin to enter the world.

“Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin,

and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned.”

-Romans 5:12

“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot

be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.”

-James 1:13

                What God wants her to do with this experience is to use it as a witnessing tool! So many people have experienced this, maybe not from their brothers but by their fathers, uncles, or other close male relatives. When I first told her this, she questioned me how she could use what happened to her as a testimony. It wasn’t by accident that her parents found out what her brother was doing. God intervened so that she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. There are so many people out there trying to fill the void in their life. Others have so much fear that it will happen again that they spend their lives separated and looking over their shoulder constantly. God wants her to proclaim His name to others so that they could know that what happened to them was not their fault and there are open arms waiting for them. They could learn to trust again and they could grow to be strong women. Sharing this story is her first steps towards using her experiences as a living testimony for God.

                It can be scary to announce to the public what happened. But it’s important to others that it does happen. As Christians, we aren’t here to judge or look at you based on your past. You couldn’t help that your abuser chose to prey on you.

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and

soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

-1 Thessalonians 5:23

“He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead,

or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. No distrust made him

waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God,

fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.”

-Romans :19-21

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in

weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of

my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

-2 Corinthians 12:9

Domestic Violence

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its

 own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

                Domestic violence is all too real and occurs more than some people believe. Approximately thirty percent of Americans say they know someone who has been physically abused by their spouse or significant other. The majority of victims are women, because they are weaker and more vulnerable. Domestic violence is a behavior used to establish power and control through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. It can include physical abuse, emotional abuse, economic abuse, and sexual abuse. We all have probably known someone suffering from domestic violence but we never saw the signs because victims often hide the situation because of fear or they blame themselves for the attacks. The abusers isolate the victim and cause low self-esteem and get extremely jealous very easily.

                Every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten in the United States and at least one in every three women has been beaten or abused in her lifetime. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women- more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Also, men are also victims and women are perpetrators. One in every three domestic violence cases are male. Every day, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends and one man is murdered by his wife or girlfriend.

                Domestic violence greatly affects children. Men, who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence, were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents. Approximately fifty percent of men who assaulted their wives also assaulted their children. Around 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually, most being under the age of twelve.

                Domestic violence also puts a strain on finances. The costs of intimate partner violence in the United States alone exceed 5.8 billion dollars per year. 4.1 billion dollars are for direct medical and health care services while 1.8 billion dollars are productivity losses or loss of wages. That’s nearly 8 million days of paid work per year- the equivalent of 32,000 full time jobs that pay approximately 56,250 dollars per year.

                     About half of all female victims of intimate violence report an injury of some type, and about twenty percent of them seek medical assistance. On average, twenty-one percent of female victims and ten percent of male victims of nonfatal partner violence contact an outside agency. Of those females and males contacting an outside agency, forty-five percent contact a private agency. On average only seventy percent of nonfatal partner violence is reported to law enforcement. Of those not reporting, forty-one percent male and twenty-seven percent of female victims stated victimization being a private or personal matter as reason for not reporting. Why do more men refuse to report abuse? Because of societies standards that the male is to be the strength of the relationship. Fifteen percent of women feared reprisal, twelve percent of all victims wished to protect the offender, and six percent believed police would do nothing. Some stick around in the relationship because they say “he loves me.” If he loved you, he wouldn’t hurt you. Between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who have been abused by their partners have never contacted any law enforcement or shelters for help. Many don’t go for help because they fear economic issues, children being taken from them, or further abuse. What they don’t realize is that the Bible clearly indicates that domestic abuse should not be tolerated. The Lord does not tolerate any sort of violence or words of hate or degradation.

“The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.”

-Psalm 11:5

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

-Colossians 3:19

“The mouth of the righteous is a well of life, but

violence covers the mouth of the wicked.”

-Proverbs 10:11

“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,

slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

-James 1:19-20

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put

away from you, with all malice.”

-Ephesians 4:31

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

-Romans 12:21

“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with

understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are,

but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.

If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.”

-1 Peter 3:7

“In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are

still angry, and do not give the Devil a foothold.”

-Ephesians 4:26-27

“Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with a wicked fist.

Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice be heard on high.”

-Isaiah 58:4

               

                The Bible also promises God’s attention to the poor, needy, or oppressed in Psalm 22:24, Psalm 140:12, and Psalm 103:6, and exhorts God’s followers to support and help those suffering affliction in Hebrews 3:13. Abuse is inconsistent with God’s standard for the home.

“…learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause

of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.”

-Isaiah 1:17

“No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten

the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.”

-Isaiah 58:6

  
               Romans 12:18 states that we are to live peaceably with all men, if possible. However, there comes a point when it is simply not possible to live at peace. The biblical principle of protection kicks in as in Nehemiah 4:12-14. When the Jews were rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem, they faced opposition and possible attack so they set up soldiers to guard the wall from further damage. Just as Nehemiah set up the soldiers, we are to turn to God with prayers of protection, grace, and wisdom. But it should not just end at prayer. Victims of abuse should consult with the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for advice and help with their situation. Do not fear what man can do to you. God protects His children and will not let the oppressed suffer if they truly love Him and honor Him.And remember that girl with the bruised eye or timid appearance? Reach out to those who show signs of physical and emotional abuse.

“And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy

both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of

 them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear

 not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

-Matthew 10:28-31

Women:

United States: call the National Domestic ViolenceHotline at 1-800-799-7233

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247

Canada: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010

Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1 800 737 732

Worldwide: visit International Directory of DomesticViolence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers.

Men:

United States and Canada: The Domestic AbuseHelpline for Men and Women

UK: ManKind Initiative

Australia: One in Three Campaign